resentment on my father

I never call him dad, since he has no sense of responsibility to the family, I hate him, I have good reason to hate him.

From primary school to college, he gives no tuition fee nor alimony for his children. It was my mother, she earned the money cent by cent by her ten fingers! It's beyond doubt that she's a great woman, In sharp contrast, my father's a cad, he's always a cad. When I go to college, he strongly objected it, although he's not to be responsible for all the tuition fee and cost for my living. He said to my grandmother indifferently " If that, I bet we'd suffer economy crisis, suppose that she (he means my mother) get over the first year, what about the 2nd year? and the 3rd? Let's see how she's going to do by then? with these words he goes to the mah-jong, he goes to mah-jong everyday and only come home when it's time for meal or he need to make water.
Home! what a home! Mama quarrels with my father whenever she sees him, the quarrel goes on and and on, everyday they quarrel, I listened and kept in silence. My character is always dissocial.

I remember once when I mentioned my father in bitter feeling, Camel consoled me by saying "dear, let the elder see to their problems themselves, It's not right for you to criticize your father", So, Camel's a good boy! But now, he's no longer mine! many a times I miss Camel so much that I think I am not going to survive! Only by now do I realise how deeply I am in love with Camel and how much I cares actually! If he's not willing to sacrifice for me or give his love to me, never mind! let me sacrifice, let me love him, I'd be happy and willing to do that, I ask for no return. I learned love from Camel at the price of endless miss for him this life!
But, But, no chance allow me to certify my love for him.

Rose
Aug.13th, 2007